"hey man, don't answer the phone! don't answer the phone, even if it's me calling. i think it's bugged, man"

from Cheech & Chong's Up in Smoke. 

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 Keep it low, we don't want the zombies to hear us...

But how can they hear us, if you have no mouth? 

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Whoo would win in a fight?: Chuck Noris or God???

No one...Chuck Noris is God... 

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thought this one was funny :P A married couple was in a terrible accident where the woman's face was severely burned. The doctor told the husband that they couldn't graft any skin from her body because she was too skinny. So the husband offered to donate some of his own skin. However, the only skin on his body that the doctor felt was suitable would have to come from his buttocks. The husband and wife agreed that they would tell no one about where the skin came from, and requested that the doctor also honor their secret. After all, this was a very delicate matter. After the surgery was completed, everyone was astounded at the woman's new beauty. She looked more beautiful than she ever had before! All her friends and relatives just went on and on about her youthful beauty! One day, she was alone with her husband, and she was overcome with emotion at his sacrifice. She said, "Dear, I just want to thank you for everything you did for me. How can I possibly repay you?" "My darling," he replied, "I get all the thanks I need every time I see your mother kiss you on the cheek."

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So you want a day off huh? Well, let’s just take a look at what you’re asking for ok?

There are 365 days per year, making that 52 weeks. You already have 2 days off per week, leaving just 261 days available for work. Since you already spend 16 hours each day away from work you’ve used up 170 days, leaving only 91 days left to work. You spend 30 minutes each day on coffee breaks which accounts for 23 days each year, now leaving only 68 days available. With a 1 hour lunch break each day, you used up another 46 days, leaving only 22 days available for work. You normally spend 2 days per year on sick leave, leaving you only 20 days per year available for work. We are off 5 holidays per year, so your available working time is down to 15 days.

Look, we generously give 14 days vacation per year which leaves only 1 day available for work and I’ll be damned if you’re gonna take that day off!

somethink funny 

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The Dude isn't right here. Leave a message after the beep. Peace man

The Big Lebowski 

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Better be wise by the misfortunes of others than by your own. 

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gross

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yo mamma is so fat when she jumped into the ocean everyone scremaed out ''tsunami''!!!!!!!!!

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"I don't know half of you half as well as I should like; and I like less than half of you half as well as you deserve."

 Bilbo the Hobbit. 

 "Typhoid fever is a terrible disease. it kills or leaves idiot its victims. And I know what I say, I caught it."

 Patrice de Mac Mahon 

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Q. Expand:    (a+b)n

A.           (a  +  b)n

          (a      +       b)n

      (a             +            b)n

         eternity....

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Yo mama so fat when she sits around the house, she SITS AROUND THE HOUSE

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nice

 i alredy got account but i want to be silly anyway...

which animal fly and eat rocks?

the flyng rockeater... in spanish is beter...

(que animal come piedras y vuela... el comepiedra volador)

and i got another one

why the 1º koala fall of the tree?

because he was dead

why did the 2º one fall?

because he was holding the 1º on

why did the 3º one fall?

because he belive it was a game

why did the tree fall?

because he belive he was a koala

why the kangaru died?

because the tree crushed him

well thats all