Yo mamma so fat she had to use the grand canyon as a cerial bowl

(yeah i kno its not funny) ~_~

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What do a man with Alzheimer's say?

"I may have Alzheimer's, but at least i haven't Alzheimer's" 

I know i'm in already but i wanted to write this  

.

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If Chuck Norris is late, time better slow the F@#k down.

Bullets dodge Chuck Norris.

Chuck Norris CAN eat just one Lay's potato chip.

Chuck Norris's tears can cure cancer, to bad he's never cried.

Jesus can walk on water, Chuck Norris can swim through dry land.

Moses had to part the Red Sea . For Chuck Norris, the water just gets the f@#k out of his way.

Chuck Norris lost his virginity before his father.

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I hope the cab driver opens the windows, i just farted

=\

One day at school the boys bathroom was locked so i went into the girls bathroom to take a dump and a teacher saw me >.< 

But the worst part was that she went in there too 0_0 

Some stuff that i made up to get in to CB!!!!!!!

 

There was magician on a cruise ship, and he was really good. He was performing the highlight of his show when a parrot walked onstage and squawked, ''It's in his sleeve!'' The magician chased the bird away. The next day the magician was performing his highlight again (in front of a smaller audience) when the parrot walked onstage and declared, ''It's in his pocket!'' The next day, as he was performing the highlight, he saw the parrot in the crowd. But before the parrot could ruin the magic trick, the boat crashed into a rock and sank. The magician was lucky enough to find a board to hang on to. On the other end of the board was the parrot. They stared at each other for three full days, neither of them saying anything, when suddenly the parrot said, ''I give up, what'd you do with the ship?''
something else i made up from a friend that gave to me  =)	-->

Stumpy and his wife Martha went to the state fair every year. Every year Stumpy would say, "Martha, I'd like to ride in that there airplane."

And every year Martha would say, "I know Stumpy, but that airplane ride costs ten dollars, and ten dollars is ten dollars."

One year Stumpy and Martha went to the fair and Stumpy said, "Martha, I'm 71 years old. If I don't ride that airplane this year I may never get another chance."

Martha replied, "Stumpy, that there airplane ride costs ten dollars, and ten dollars is ten dollars."

The pilot overheard them and said, "Folks, I'll make you a deal, I'll take you both up for a ride. If you can stay quiet for the entire ride and not say one word, I won't charge you, but if you say one word it's ten dollars."

Stumpy and Martha agreed and up they went. The pilot did all kinds of twists and turns, rolls and dives, but not a word was heard. He did all his tricks over again, but still not a word. They landed and the pilot turned to Stumpy, "By golly, I did everything I could think of to get you to yell out, but you didn't."

Stumpy replied, "Well, I was gonna say something when Martha fell out, but ten dollars is ten dollars."Authed for CB, Please Log Out and Log Back in to Change your Status  

 Dude, why were'nt you at school today???

My backpack broke so my mom let me stay home.

:) 

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SOme people think I'm a compulsive liar, but now that I'm back from months of therapy I'm never going to lie again...Just kidding!!

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.

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I made this soap in chemistry class, but it smelled like butt, so i stopped using it

 

What do you call an upperclass trojan?

Hydrogen (High Trojan) 

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"There's no reason to become alarmed, and we hope you'll enjoy the rest of your flight. By the way, is there anyone on board who knows how to fly a plane?" -Airplane

 

 And just in case that wasn't good enough I present to you the world's largest lolcat.

 For the record, this is post #161.

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It Describe it self. 

Have fun all  

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"If pro is the opposite of con, and progress means "to move forward," what does that make congress!?!?"

 I believe that quote comes from this handsome gentleman:

Gallagher for those who don't know.

And yes I just called Gallagher handsome. No, I'm not Gallagher. 

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 "Aaahhh..they've gone,plaid!"-Barf,Spaceballs (i love that part xP)

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