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Unhealthy Obsession

Last post Fri, Aug 29 2008 10:10 PM by Ogrelord. 5 replies.
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  • Fri, Jun 27 2008 6:55 AM

    • GreyIscariot
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    Unhealthy Obsession

     Inspired by Soul calibur, don't read it if you are offended by people being decapitated.

     

     

     

    There was a full moon out tonight, it looked like a bright silver disk, casting it's twilight into the darkness that we call night. Vanthiel was indifferent about the moon, he only wanted one thing, to please the weapon in his hand, it was thirsty, it spoke to him, making his mutated arm twinge with every word.

    "Vanthiel... kill for me..... will you my love? I'm... so.... thirsty!"


    The large eyeball looked up at him pleadingly, he obliged, and searched for the nearest small cottage. If someone were spying on him, Vanthiel would look like a zombie trudging through the woods, searching for it's next meal, they would be wrong to assume so.

    In fact, Vanthiel was still alive, just corrupted by darkness, he still had his mind, but he was also a madman. A murderer, which seemed to suit some people just fine. The blade, forged for him long ago by the temple's smithy, was a great sword, a large, heavy sword, wielded with two hands. Something had happened, that turned the blade evil, and corrupted Van, but yet is was really nothing too complex...

    Vanthiel, although forbidden, had a lover, there was no one else that he loved more than her, but those of the Order are forbidden to mate, let alone love, so she was killed, charged with attempting to corrupt a paladin, this only hastened his fall, that night, he stole into the graveyard, and recovered his lover's heart, he then tied the heart to the blade, accepting his fate. The heart came back to life, and covered the sword in a flesh, save for the sharp edge of the blade. He ran away, wandering the world as he saw fit, killing those so his lover could feed. The flesh slowly moved up his arm and half of his chest, where the soul of his lover promised to stop at, which she did.

    It wasn't long before he came across a small cottage, four people crowded inside it, the superior male exited the house when he got closer, a sword in his hand...

    "What is your business here... Oh m-" the male was cut short by Vanthiel's blade  slicing his head from the upper jaw up clean off, with a bit of his lover's thirst quenched, he walked inside to finish off the male's family, who were hiding in a corner of the one-room cottage.


    The screams of the other three pierced the serenity of the night, stirring up nearby birds and animals, Vanthiel dragged the male's corpse and head inside, and lay his sword into a pool of blood, which it seemed to suck up.

    "Thank you Dear..."

    "Anything for you, my love.." Vanthiel said, resting his back against the cottage wall.

    I HAS A DUCK
    Photobucket
    • Post Points: 35
  • Mon, Jun 30 2008 2:20 AM In reply to

    • Shaden
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    Re: Unhealthy Obsession

    Was very good, despite its length (I have no problem with the length, mind you). You caught the mood of the characters and scene fairly well, certainly room for improvment... but when is there ever not? xD

    However, you over-used comma's in some parts where it'd be cleaner to just start a new sentence.

    • Post Points: 20
  • Wed, Jul 2 2008 7:25 PM In reply to

    • GreyIscariot
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    Re: Unhealthy Obsession

    yeah, i tend to do that a lot, thanks for commmenting.. 

    I HAS A DUCK
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    • Post Points: 20
  • Fri, Jul 11 2008 5:51 PM In reply to

    • Zyrex
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    Re: Unhealthy Obsession

     I actually like the story you put in. I don't mind the content of it, what you shared actually wants me to ask more for it. Thanks for psoting it.


    Signature Made By Arkz, Thanks Again
    • Post Points: 20
  • Fri, Jul 11 2008 8:37 PM In reply to

    • GreyIscariot
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    Re: Unhealthy Obsession

     thanks

    I HAS A DUCK
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    • Post Points: 5
  • Fri, Aug 29 2008 10:10 PM In reply to

    • Ogrelord
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    Re: Unhealthy Obsession

     A masterpiece I say; Soul Calibur has always given good stories to follow, and this one is far beyond their league.  The depth of the details is riveting my friend.  A true work of art has been typed here.  Keep working at it, eventually your stories will be worth money if you so desire them to be.

    Great work, and I shall await your next addition. 

    One day at a time, may be one day too late.

    <g33k1337o7> thor is calling brice
    <Ogrelord> calling?
    <g33k1337o7> yeah
    <Ogrelord> on the phone?
    <g33k1337o7> yeah
    <famey> yeah
    <Ogrelord> sweet
    <g33k1337o7> screaming out the window probably wouldn't work
    <Ogrelord> lol
    • Post Points: 5
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